“You don’t look Indian. Good for you!”

Last week, I was asked by a woman where I’m from — a question that I often get when I meet someone new, probably because the answer isn’t obvious based on our beliefs of what people from different parts of the planet look like. I told her that I was born in India, which triggered another common reaction of surprise and disbelief. “Really??” she exclaimed. “Yes, from New Delhi,” I replied. What she said next didn’t register immediately:

“You don’t look Indian. Good for you!”

The first part of her response followed the script that I’ve gotten used to, but it’s the second part that threw me off.

At first, I considered if she meant that being Indian is good for me — but that didn’t make much sense, considering there are 1.3 billion Indians on the planet and she most likely has met many other Indians in her life. That, and the fact that she followed the statement that I don’t look Indian with “Good for you!” led me to believe that she was suggesting that it’s good for me that despite being Indian, I don’t look like I am — as if it’s something I should be proud of or consider myself lucky for. I registered her tone and statement as having the implied message of “you’re a lucky one!”.

I think I would’ve taken offence to the remark if it were made by someone that wasn’t also Indian, but this woman was. And that made what she said just sad and disappointing.

I don’t mean to suggest that her belief is shared by all Indians, but I found it concerning that an Indian woman herself believed that not “looking Indian” is a benefit or privilege. It speaks to the sad reality that there may be some truth to her belief in today’s world.

It should be no surprise that there exists a standard of desirable physical features that align with what has grown to become a conventional standard of beauty — light skin, straight hair and light eyes being among them. Thousands of years of being conditioned to believe that (typically) Eurocentric features are equivalent to being beautiful means that those who do not share those features can be inclined to consider themselves as inferior to others. Evidence of this is everywhere in today’s world. Filters allow us to lighten our skin on social media, magazines frequently photoshop their models to have lighter skin, and skin-whitening creams are all the rage across the globe. And it’s certainly not just our skin that can either be embraced or seen as needing to be changed. In the recent blockbuster Black Panther, everyone has natural hair. From afros to dreadlocks, the full versatility and beauty of hair is embraced — a refreshing break from the mostly straight or wavy hair highlighted in commercials and movies.

This need to embrace and showcase all types of physical features is exemplified by what this woman said to me. One of the issues I have with her remark is that it reflects a widespread belief that all human beings from a particular part of the planet more or less look the same. For example, those from the part of the planet that we call India are typically depicted as having dark skin and dark eyes (a simple Google search of “Indian” confirms this). However, even within the Indian population, it’s clear that certain physical features — lighter skin, straight hair — help certain individuals of this nationality become popular in industries where perceived beauty plays a large role in determining success (movies, modelling, etc.). But the very notion that someone doesn’t appear to be from a particular country disregards the large spectrum of physical features that one can possess, even within what we have come to recognize as a particular race. As globalization grows and people across the planet are able to move and meet each other, it’s almost lazy to assume one’s nationality based on how they appear to the eye.

The second (and, in my opinion, more severe) issue is the dire need for our species to redefine beauty, and by that, I mean challenge the idea that a singular definition exist at all. There are many powerful forces at play here — the media, film and advertising industries being some of the biggest ones. Through constant exposure to content that depicts a particular set of physical features as being desirable, we’ve become conditioned to determine whether someone “looks good” based on a set of criteria seared indelibly into our minds.

There’s no doubt that progress is being made, and that more and more people of various backgrounds and identities are embraced and celebrated for their beauty. But it’s clear from this woman’s casual comment that we still have a long way to go. The process of questioning the standards that have been ingrained into us for how we see others and define beauty is a long one, but necessary if we wish for a more equal and celebrated world.

Thanks so much for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts on beauty standards and how they may have impacted you in your own life. If you like what you read, feel free to check out my other posts and follow me.